Excerpt from Isabelle Nazare-Aga’s book “The manipulators are among us”.
I have been hesitating a long time to publish an article where more than 80% of the content does not come from my pen and I finally decided that my first mission is not to be original but to train.
However, almost everything taught does not arise from the teacher.
Moreover, in negotiation, it seems crucial to know if and when one tries to manipulate you.
However, I found it valuable to make known the work of Isabelle Nazare-Aga on the matter. Certainly, for her, the manipulator is necessarily a man and her analysis is confined to the context of love.
It is nevertheless interesting to know the list of behaviors typical of a manipulator below that she patiently assembled and that I allowed myself to complete slightly in order to be able to identify the manipulation to which you are trying to submit:
- He condemns others in the name of family ties, friendship, love, professional conscience or any legal, religious or moral rule.
- He places his responsibility on the others, or resigns from his own.
- He does not clearly communicate his requests, needs, feelings and opinions.
- He answers very often in a fuzzy way.
- He changes opinions, behaviors and feelings according to people or situations.
- He relies on logical reasons to disguise his demands.
- He makes others believe that they must be perfect, that they must never change their minds, that they must know everything and respond immediately to requests and questions.
- He questions the qualities, competence and personality of others.
- He criticizes without appearing, devaluing and judging.
- He causes his messages to be made by others.
- He sows zizania and creates suspicion, divides to rule.
- He knows how to place himself as a victim to be pitied.
- He ignores the requests even if he says to take care of them.
- He uses the moral principles of others to satisfy his needs.
- He threatens in a disguised way, or practices open blackmail.
- He changes squarely of subject during a conversation.
- He avoids or escapes from the conversation or meeting.
- He puts on the ignorance of others and makes believe in his superiority.
- He lies.
- He preaches the false to know the truth.
- He is egocentric.
- He may be jealous.
- He can not stand criticism and deny the evidences.
- He does not take into account the rights, needs and desires of others.
- He often uses the last moment to order or cause others to act.
- His discourse seems logical or coherent, while his attitudes correspond to the opposite scheme.
- He flatters to please you, makes gifts, suddenly takes pains for you.
- He produces a sense of discomfort or non-liberty.
- He is perfectly effective in achieving its own goals but at the expense of others.
- He makes us do things that we probably would not have done of our own free will.
- He is constantly the subject of conversations, even when he is not there.